[ we're just jumping into it, here - somehow, you're in the memory fuckhouse, and there's a memory playing over the glass, vibrant and loud. if you can, watch the videoclips to go with it because the voice acting does really make it so much better.
The ship is deathly quiet.
You have good hearing - so much that sometimes it hurts to stand in the middle of a crowd of people. You have never heard this ship, or any of the Xianzhou ships, fall this silent. A bad omen.
You have a good sense of smell, too. You could smell the borisin that crept their way onto the ship like vermin, digging their claws into the metal and peeling it away to release their leader. There was not much you could do. You told Feixiao. You led the young ones, too young, the children with swords and no dreams of anything but serving in battle - you led them to the right conclusion, and you hate yourself for it, but what don't you hate yourself for? That doesn't matter. What does matter is you've laid the groundwork. They will do the rest. Your General, and the future you both want.
Ah, right. Your good sense of smell. You can't smell anything other than blood. It's a good thing you lost most of your taste a long time ago. You imagine the taste of iron would be unbearable, here on the ground in this back alley.
You can't breathe right. It hurts so badly - you've never been very good at suppressing pain, and it blares like the loudest of alarms in your heart. You're a healer, you know what the body's limits are, and you know you're stretching them. You know you don't have long.
You look up at the hulking beast in front of you. He looks a little like you - not you, but your species. He's not. Hoolay is a borisin, but somehow, they've managed to all hide their true visages. He grins down at you, teeth and claws stained red with blood. The blood on his claws is yours, but you don't want to think about why his teeth are stained.
"Secrets are a weapon that a hunter cannot live without," Hoolay is saying. "Those who have no secrets are no more than prey, cut open and waiting for death."
You drag in a breath. Choke on it a little.
"What you’re saying is, in your eyes, I am not more than prey that has exhausted all of its secrets, and is simply awaiting its death?" You ask, staring down at the floor rather than Hoolay. Already, there's darkness curling at the edges of your sight, and you know that isn't because you're dying. A side effect.
"Do you think you have some other escape route? Jiaoqiu, I have already peeled back your disguises and defenses layer by layer. I know all the secrets that you and your general have buried so deep," Hoolay growls, voice amused. He thinks he knows. You told him nothing that would hurt your people. You told him things that could sound like secrets, but weren't. That is what you're good for - a clever tongue, quick to lie and persuade. It's all you're good for.
Well. There's one other thing.
"But you have told me all of your secrets too, Warhead," You murmur, eyes still on the floor. Not out of any sense of submissiveness. You simply don't want the borisin to be the last thing you see.
Hoolay laughs. "But you will never have a chance to use them. You will be buried with them right here. Although, you are a fortunate one... After all, you will avoid having to see the tragic future that awaits your general. I'm sure she understands her fate far better than you ever will. One day on the battlefield, she will be overpowered by her ever-intensifying Moon Rage, and finally be torn apart by her own fury and transformation."
He talks too much, you think. But that's alright. That's what you want. You want time. The longer he is here, gloating over you, the longer your General has time to come up with a plan.
"Not even your God can save her from this fate. Although... THEY can lead her to liberation. And the only way to save her is here, in my hands."
Another bloody grin. You huff, and cough, just a little.
"Are you the healer or am I? Are you really that certain of your own judgement?" You ask, idly. Your voice is starting to fail you. It feels like gravel, like trying to enunciate around marbles in your mouth. Gingerly, you rest a hand on your torso, where the worst of the claw wounds are, and turn your head a little, looking out over the wall. Past Hoolay. To the sky, to the world outside this alley, to the sister-ship of your people. You look at the sky.
"I must leave, foxian," Hoolay says, shifting his weight. "But before I go, you know what I must do, don't you?"
And weakly, you reply: "Drink bloodwine... I hear it is a borisin custom to kill prisoners and drink their blood before battle to stir up their madness."
"You really did put hard work into researching us. It is a shame that this is where your journey ends."
And he moves forward. You flinch, knowing what's coming, but it's okay, it's alright, this is your plan. He's right, you did do your research. You knew, since telling Moze to run in the prison, that this might be the outcome, and you are at peace. It's going to hurt, though.
And it does. Hoolay rips into you. Tears flesh from your neck, your torso, like a wild animal. Frenzied, with razor sharp teeth and claws that dig into your arms to keep you still, to stop you from reflexively trying to get away. You can't help yourself - it hurts, you're being mauled, and you cry out, voice ragged and raw, breaking on your screams. Nobody can hear you. Nobody comes to help you.
Hoolay eats and drinks his fill, and tosses you to the ground, wiping his mouth with the back of his sleeve. He must figure there's no point to killing you outright, or perhaps he doesn't even realize you're still alive. He's driven mad by the smell of blood, the taste of blood, and he lets out a roar of laughter before bounding off towards battle - towards Feixiao, your General.
You are left alone, in an alleyway full of bodies.
Clinically, you know you're seconds from death. You can almost see the autopsy report. Bite wounds that extend over a large area, from the patient's neck to his chest. Fractured clavicle. Toxins in the wounds caused flesh to decay and atrophy. Disturbed blood circulation, massive internal bleeding, neurological atrophy, optic neuropathy. Damage to the liver and kidney, impaired lymphatic and immune system. The only part of that report that was Hoolay's fault are the bites, though. The rest was your own doing.
You smile, weakly, opening your eyes to look at the sky one more time.
Enjoy the taste of my fresh blood... Hoolay. Unfortunately, I am not a man without secrets. I still have one little secret hidden up my sleeve.
Your vision is nearly gone. The sky is a smear of pristine blue.
Tumbledust... I drank it a while ago, and the poison is already flowing through my veins. Sooner or later, you will begin to feel the effects. If the most lethal poison known to this world is able to save innocent lives... then it can also be called a great medicine.
You close your eyes for the last time.
I will do my best to cure you... Feixiao, I kept my promise. At the cost of this insignificant life. Bring victory to the Yaoqing.
[ heaven truly does have a way of putting them into its fun little fuckhouses of torture.
maybe, he shouldn't be surprised. after all, he saw the movement across the tea during jing yuan's expulsion, only to be proven correct in the end. a doctor knows what can heal just as much as what can harm, and will use everything in their arsenal to protect, to take care of those around them.
even their own body.
i died for the future of the xianzhou alliance. i would choose that every time, and here is no different. an insignificant life is nothing in the face of thousands.
is it so insignificant, though? ]
Hubris is the downfall of many a tyrant. They think that those they crush underfoot will never find a way to fight back - all it takes is one, single opening for it all to come crashing down. You gave your General a fighting chance, and surely one that sealed the fate of this Hoolay rather than the Xianzhou Alliance.
But I still think you should value your life more than you have. It is not so insignificant as you've made it out to be, to use it as you have.
[ you and taair are so infuriatingly similar in the worst ways, he does not say. because they are also so similar in the best of ways, for all that they are different, and that is what makes him so tremendously fond of the both of them.
their hearts are for others, until there is nothing left. ]
You and I have already had this discussion. [ about his worth, and self-sacrifice, and those left behind. ] And we will disagree for some time yet, I think, perhaps even long after you have turned a thousand years, two thousand, three.
But your presence in our lives has changed it for the better, Jiaoqiu, and not because of sacrifices you have made. I wouldn't dare to assume what she would say, but I hope she would think the same.
[ god, he doesn't ever know what to say in response to this sort of thing. it's so nice, and it's so against everything that he thinks of himself. he's too polite to not say thank you, but every time, it almost makes him uncomfortable to hear.
he's only doing what he should as a healer. it's the bare minimum, he thinks. ]
I'm sure she would say the same. [ he knows feixiao well enough. ] Thank you.
[ it doesn't feel terrible to hear, even if he doesn't much believe it. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
w3, MONDAY
and then the room is silent. ]
no subject
maybe, he shouldn't be surprised. after all, he saw the movement across the tea during jing yuan's expulsion, only to be proven correct in the end. a doctor knows what can heal just as much as what can harm, and will use everything in their arsenal to protect, to take care of those around them.
even their own body.
i died for the future of the xianzhou alliance. i would choose that every time, and here is no different. an insignificant life is nothing in the face of thousands.
is it so insignificant, though? ]
Hubris is the downfall of many a tyrant. They think that those they crush underfoot will never find a way to fight back - all it takes is one, single opening for it all to come crashing down. You gave your General a fighting chance, and surely one that sealed the fate of this Hoolay rather than the Xianzhou Alliance.
But I still think you should value your life more than you have. It is not so insignificant as you've made it out to be, to use it as you have.
no subject
I believe in her more than I believe in anything. [ he says, quietly. ] General Feixiao will win.
[ he doesn't know. he died before he could hear of her victory. but - he believes it. as for the rest, he's quiet. ]
... I value my life as much as I should.
no subject
[ you and taair are so infuriatingly similar in the worst ways, he does not say. because they are also so similar in the best of ways, for all that they are different, and that is what makes him so tremendously fond of the both of them.
their hearts are for others, until there is nothing left. ]
You and I have already had this discussion. [ about his worth, and self-sacrifice, and those left behind. ] And we will disagree for some time yet, I think, perhaps even long after you have turned a thousand years, two thousand, three.
But your presence in our lives has changed it for the better, Jiaoqiu, and not because of sacrifices you have made. I wouldn't dare to assume what she would say, but I hope she would think the same.
no subject
he's only doing what he should as a healer. it's the bare minimum, he thinks. ]
I'm sure she would say the same. [ he knows feixiao well enough. ] Thank you.
[ it doesn't feel terrible to hear, even if he doesn't much believe it. ]